


Enter The Death Bringer

by MizUnderstood2136



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Bas-Saarebas, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Quote: It's Smutty Literature, Saarebas, Smutty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-05-01 02:58:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14511042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizUnderstood2136/pseuds/MizUnderstood2136
Summary: Meet Katari, an elf mage raised in the Qun.Bas Saarebas.Finding herself at the Conclave, she finds herself the focus of far too much scrutiny. Because until a few weeks before, she had been bound and leashed, lips sewn shut and her life one of bloody silence.Accused of murdering the Divine, she tries to make sense of things, and is not doing too shabby a job until she meets The Iron Bull.He knows who she is.What she is.Will he keep her secret?Can she keep his?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Since I'm a fan of killing myself with these things, here is a NEW one! The idea came to me in a dream and I just rolled with it. Chapter one is not smutty, but definitely expect it. Because Bull.  
> Couple things to note -  
> I used the DA wikia to help me with Qunlat phrases. Forgive me if they're wrong...  
> It jumps around a bit to get you into their story. It won't be like that in future chapters.

**My name is Katari Lavellan. Though my karataam would be disappointed to hear me think of myself that way still. Then again, they were terminally disappointed in me.**

**See I was a Bas Saarebas. A non-Qunari mage. Something I was never allowed to forget, as I had been raised in the Qun, though never truly one of their own. They had found my mother and I when I was about 5 winters old. My mother was dying and they saw a strong child, and chose to take me. I'm fairly sure they regretted that decision soon after.** **  
****My magic manifested when I was but 10 winters, and that was when I went from Imekari to Katari.** **  
****Because… When my magic manifested I had managed to destroy an entire building. And thus began my life in chains.** **  
****A year later they had sewn my lips for the first time. I was far too valuable to kill, as I was a very powerful tiny creature. Too valuable to kill but still nothing but a weapon. I hadn't been allowed to speak in years. I couldn't even remember the last time I had been allowed to speak out loud. Or been in a room alone. Or the real taste of freedom.**   
  
I knelt there, trying not to lose my stomach. I looked back and they were indeed dead. Seven of the eight of them. Meager karataam, on our way to spy on the conclave in the human lands. I stumbled to the nearest body and began to rummage through his pockets. I found a small dagger, tucked that into one of my many pockets. I searched more and found an enchanted pouch of gaatlok. I carefully stowed that in another pocket. I could feel a tingling in the back of my head and knew I had to move quicker. 

I knew my Arvaarad would be back soon, and would likely try to kill me when he found his dead companions. It would make him sad, as he had grown fond of me, in his own way. Something he tried to atone for daily, from the looks of things. I grabbed one of the big shields and turned it around, barely recognizing the face looking back at me. The sea colored eyes, dark red eyebrows. A scar over my right eye. I touched the enchanted thread holding my lips shut. I got out the dagger I had found, and carefully cut the threads. I was afraid to pull them loose. Cold fear clutched at my stomach, and my heart slowed to a crawl.    
I pulled the first one, barely smothering a cry as it tore free of my lip. I grabbed the other six threads, three in each hand, and just ripped them loose. I screamed, falling to the ground, holding my face. Time passed as the burning throb started to wane. I sat up, kneeling there staring at the blood on my hands. My own and some from the karataam.  _ My _ karataam.   
I wiped at my face with my arm, before standing on shaky legs.    
I went and retrieved my cloak from the tent they had stowed me in. Grabbed a pack with food and other useful things. When I stood I found him standing there, a dagger in one hand and a nearly unreadable look on his face.    
“Ebasit kata itwa-ost,”  _ It is ended, you all have fallen _ , I said, my voice low and sounding full of gravel.    
“Maraas kata!”  _ Nothing is ended _ , he answered with a growl. He stepped forward but I summoned a fireball in my hand, just waiting.    
“I will not go back,” I told him, reverting to elven. He shook his head, his horns nearly catching the tree above him. His copper colored eyes reflected my own pain.

I nearly felt bad. He had been with me the longest, several years at my last count. We had worked well together, him and I. But.. I couldn’t be their hammer anymore. I couldn’t continue to be the death bringer. 

He stepped forward again, “Ashkost kata,”  _ You are seeking death _ , he said sadly. I shook my head. 

I closed my fist, extinguishing the fire. “I seek life,” I said softly. He bowed his head, “They will hunt you,” he said in elven. I shrugged a shoulder. “Let them come,” I said, lifting my chin. He gave me a half smile, his usually grim face nearly nice looking. His massive metal covered horns, his coal colored skin. He was one of the largest of them I could remember seeing. He had this way about him. Calming and aloof. 

He raised his fist, tapping it to his chest. “Panahedan, Katari,” he said quietly.    
I felt a fist close over my heart. 

He was letting me go.    
He would surely die for this.   
“Come with me,” I urged, stepping forward. He held out a hand, shaking his head.    
“No. I am not Vashoth. Neither are you. You.. are free. Go while you can,” he said. I wiped a tear away.    
“You can’t die for me,” I whispered. 

“I will not be. I will die for me, and my hand in what was done to Katari.”   
I was surprised. Though I shouldn’t have been. I walked to him and he stood there, tall and stoic. I put my hand over his heart and released a small push of power. He shuddered and bowed his head. He reached out and rubbed his thumb over my lips. Then his hand dropped to my collar and he used the control ring to release it. It fell with a thunk to the ground.   
“Be safe, Kadan,” he said before turning on his heel and leaving the karataam. I was beyond torn. 

I gave one look back and took off in the other direction.    
I walked for days, before I found a camp of elves who were weary and on their way to the same Conclave that I had been heading towards. They offered me a tent and healing. Though the healing only helped with so much. The formerly enchanted thread did not allow for full healing of the ghastly marks on my face. I gave them some short story about how I had been captured by a qunari patrol and had managed to escape.    
None need know what I really was. 

The death bringer. 

  
  


**I wound up at the conclave with the elves, and had been able to glean some information on the way. They were of the same clan my mother had been from, though I had not let them know that. I had barely slept in their camp, fear clinging to my every waking moment that the Qunari would find me. And kill the elves for harboring me.** **  
****So when one of their members fell sick, I had volunteered. They were as wary of me as I had been of them. But they took my offer and away I went.** **  
****  
** **\---**

 

**She woke up in the dungeon in Haven, interrogated by a pretty red haired human, and an angry black haired one. Question after question, that was met with barely there answers or stoic silence. They blamed her for the death of their human Divine Justinia, questioned her about the marks on her face. Besides flinching when the black haired woman lunged at her, she held her own. Until they took her up the mountain towards the breach in the sky. She met a dwarf, a bald elf man, and refused to converse on their way there. She made an attempt to seal the breach, with their help she managed to do so.** **  
** **She woke up in Haven again, in a bed this time. She snagged a scarf, wore it over her mouth most of the time. Easier than explaining the marks, and she explained things away by claiming to be from the Free Marches, where it was far warmer. Things moved rather quickly from there, her being tasked with helping to form the Inquisition again (She didn’t even realize that there had been a first one). She was sent all over to find agents for the newly formed organization, and eventually went to Val Royeaux to see some of the Chantry mother’s. This was her first foray into a big human city, and her awe at the elaborate architecture was obvious and had them all questioning her story.**

**When they went back to Haven after their fruitless visit, a young man had been waiting for them. He was offering the services of a mercenary group. The Bull’s Chargers. The name sounded familiar but.. What did she know? She agreed to meet the group on the Storm Coast and forgot all about it.**

 

I had gotten them to make me another outfit similar to what I had been wearing when I was found. The antaam-saar I had been given back in Seheron, it was enchanted. But the new one was not, it was a dark blue with white ropes. Comfortable and safe. The scarf I wore was a deep blue as well. The ropes were comforting, a small relief in all this chaos. I had a cloak on and was listening to the lady at the forward camp on the Storm Coast. Scout Harding? She was sweet and kind and she didn’t pry. Or stare at my face. 

Cassandra, Varric and Solas followed me down the side of the mountain. We could hear the sounds of battle, and once I rounded the end of the hill, I froze in my tracks. There was the Venatori group that Kremisius had mentioned. But there was also a massive Qunari man and he held an axe that was easily the same size as me. 

I felt panic gripping my stomach, felt the fire beneath my skin.    
“You need to control yourself,” I heard close to my ear. Solas.    
Voice of reason?   
“I do not know if I can,” I answered, probably the most I had said to him ever in one sentence.    
“You must try. No one gains anything by losing control. Did you learn nothing as a child?” 

I glared at him and he raised an eyebrow. But his words had done the job, I was no longer ready to implode. I let Solas and the others join the fray, and soon the fight was over.    
At Cassandra’s urging, I talked to the giant mountain. I mean, The Iron Bull. I stood there, talking like a normal person. His eyes kept falling to my scarf but he said.. Nothing. I offered him a space in the Inquisition and when we were done talking I asked for a moment of privacy. They left me be and I went to the shoreline, kneeling in the water and submerging my hands. I took a breath and released the pent up power. The water around my hands frothed then boiled as the fire heated it. I closed my eyes and tried not to fear The Bull.    
But my heart had other plans.    
  
**\---**

 

Bull stood by the fallen tree, silent and still, watching the mage stick her hands into the waves. His eyebrow raised as the water all around her began to boil and wondered at that.    
She hadn’t shared her name. Or called him on looking at her scarf.    
She had stood there, terrified and shaking as they had talked, even though he had tried his damnedest to come off as a nonchalant mercenary. She had questioned him about the Ben-Hassrath like she had no clue.    
The look in her eyes had said otherwise. So much more than just otherwise.    
Those scars were not the work of elves. That was Qunari there, and she had to be a Bas Saarebas. Krem had told Bull of the scars when he had returned from Haven. 

  
The Ben-Hassrath would be very displeased to hear of this.    
  
**\---**

 

I avoided him in the town, skirting out and around his tent as far as I could without looking crazier than I already did. I refused to take him anywhere, and never spoke when he was around. Until one day I was sitting up on the edge of the bridge that led out of the town. No one was ever up there and it was a good place to let my thoughts loose.    
“So. Care to explain?” he said from behind me, nearly scaring me off the edge of the bridge. I scrambled to my feet and backed up to the edge.    
“You even wear their clothes,” he said softly, leaning his shoulder against the pillar next to me. 

I stayed silent.    
“You can’t avoid me forever,” he mused with a chuckle. The sound slithered through me and made my heart slow.    
“Yes I can,” I said before I could think twice.    
“I don’t think so. Guess what I learned today?” he asked, studying his nails. 

I didn’t ask.    
“Your name. Katari. Katari Lavellan. Now that surprised me. I have heard of a Katari. A Katari that was one of the Qun’s strongest Saarebas. With sea blue eyes and fire in her hands. You leveled a building. As a child,” he said quietly. I was shaking. 

He stood up and gave me a look.    
“Why are you here? I heard of no mission in these parts, and the only squad sent to the Conclave was killed before getting there,” he said. I flinched.    
“Ah, that was yours.”   
I shook my head, trying not to panic. The stone under my feet began to steam in the cold air. He squinted at me.    
“You’re terrified,” he said, astonished. I didn’t speak, though my silence spoke volumes.    
“Alright, I’ll stop. For now. You will have to explain,” he warned me. I nodded, though I had no intention of ever doing so. He moved aside and I fled. I made my way back into the town, then beyond it into the forest. I found a giant mound of snow and stuck my hands into it. I watched with awe as the mound turned into a puddle. A steaming puddle.    
I was going to die of fear before we ever got to close the breach.    
  
A few weeks later, I had managed to amass enough influence to get a meeting with the mages in Redcliffe, only to find them indentured to a Magister from Tevinter. I was furious when I went back to Haven, where Bull cornered me again.    
“I heard back from one of my contacts. Seems that seven of the nine members of that specific karataam were found dead. And the Arvaarad of said karataam turned himself into the Ben-Hassrath for re-education. However, the location of their Katari, the little Bas Saarebas is unknown. They are hoping that the mageling has died. Because if they find her, she will have to be put to death and that is a massive loss in their eyes.”   
I refused to look at him. I stared down at my hands.    
“I haven’t turned you in,” he said quietly, and I flinched.   
I looked up at him and I could see the twitch in his face. “I am maraas, leave me be,” I pleaded quietly.    
He sighed. “You put me in an impossible position, mageling,” he growled. I swallowed.    
“Do you know why they call me Katari?” I whispered. 

He shrugged.    
“When my magic manifested, it was because the Sten I had been given to was beating me. For being small and insignificant. My magic came through and I managed to destroy the entire four level building. And everyone in it.”   
He raised his eyebrow.    
“Katari, bringer of death,” he said quietly. I nodded.    
“I will never go back,” I said, a steel in my voice that surprised even me.   
“You may not have a choice if they find out what you really are,” he said, glaring at me.    
I shrugged. “They know I’m a mage. Just not what kind. Or how powerful. And you won’t tell them,” I ordered.    
He snorted. “Tall orders from a tiny fugitive,” he sneered. I shrugged a shoulder.    
“I could tell them who you really are, Hissrad,” I said. He stopped. Stared down at me.    
“Ah, yes. I’ve heard of you too. You who single handedly destroyed half of Seheron. I was there, after you left. You are a distinct Qunari, The Iron Bull. Your horns alone are enough to have told me who you were. Your men’s stories were the rest.”   
He squinted.    
I glared.    
“I will never go back,” I said through gritted teeth, turning on my heel to leave.    
A massive hand closed over my arm.    
“This isn’t going to end well for you,” he said softly.    
“I’m willing to die to stay away. How about you?” I asked, burning his hand to get him to let go. He shook it, glaring at me. I ran off and hid in the house they had given me.    
  


**\---**

 

I stood at the war table, being dictated to as to who I was to take to Redcliffe with me. The mage Dorian was offering his services and I was irritated that they wanted to dictate while not admitting to said dictating. I marched back out of Haven, and out into the forest. I found that frozen pond, the one from the mound of snow I murdered days ago. I paced at its edge.    
“How am I supposed to do this? Face Venatori? After what I’ve done to them in Tevinter?”    
I shook my hand, trying to dispel the panic. “Surely I can send someone else,” I muttered to no one. I threw up my hands. My nightmares were getting worse. And they wanted to send me into a castle full of Venatori. Not that I could tell any of them that. I clutched my stomach.    
Lies on top of lies, a mountain of them that was precarious and terrifying.    
Then there was Hissrad. The Iron Bull. He never stopped watching me. I found him in the dumbest of places. Completely ignored by those around him, watching me silently. I had begun to wonder if I was ever actually even alone.    
I looked around, and noted the birds had stopped their singing.    
“Come out,” I said through gritted teeth.    
He gave a dry chuckle.    
“You aren’t as naive as you seem,” he said, walking towards me. He had forgone his usual armor, and didn’t even have his war axe on him.    
“Why do you follow me?” I asked. 

“To make sure you aren’t a danger to those around you,” he countered. I sighed.    
“I’m not.”   
“Ah, but you are.”   
I smothered a growl.    
“Let me see your face,” he said, surprising me. I had nearly forgotten the scarf I wore, especially since I rarely took it off.    
I pulled it from my face, standing there nearly defiant, if not for that little part of me all too aware that even this Qunari outsized the Arvaarad. His hand was bigger than my entire head.    
“Skittish. And brave,” he mused, stepping closer. His eye raked over the scars.    
“Krem told me about them. I wanted to see for myself.”   
I shrugged, wrapping the scarf about my head again, and tightening my cloak. My hair had grown back in far too quickly for my liking, probably fueled by what had happened in the fade, whatever that was. Thick and dark red, it was long enough to braid to the side. Though, much to Varric’s chagrin, I had shaved the side of my head a few days ago, my own silent tribute to the likely dead Arvaarad. The mark on my hand and my own magic mixing had made my entire body wildly different. I was like a stranger in my skin, and the only thing that comforted me now was this stupid outfit. 

“What does it matter?”

“Ah, for one such as I it is not a trivial thing, mageling. I have dealt with Saarebas both in and out of the Qun. And even then, they were either chained and bound, or free and rampaging.”   
“What about Dalish?” 

“She.. is an odd one for sure. But she was raised in a clan, unlike you.”   
“No, you’re right. I was raised with a leash and chains.”   
He sighed. “Look, I..”    
I held up my hand.    
“I don’t care. I can’t care. You are still one of them, even as you pretend not to be. But you are the only one here who know of the Venatori the same way I do,” I whispered the last, clutching at my cloak. He seemed surprised.    
“What about them?”

“After Seheron, they sent me to Tevinter. The death bringer,” I said bitterly.    
Then it was like someone lit the beacon and he understood.    
“You’re afraid of Redcliffe?”

“Afraid? No,” I said with a quiet laugh. “Terrified? Absolutely sure that I will make massive mistakes?”    
He rubbed his hand over his face. “Are you saying you want me to go with you?” he asked quietly.    
“Can you kill me without a second thought?” I countered.    
He did look surprised there. “Yes,” he answered truthfully. I felt that fist on my heart loosen.    
“Then you will come with me. Us. Whatever. Be ready in a few hours,” I muttered, turning and leaving him there by a now boiling pond surrounded by snow

 

**\---**

 

“Remind me never to sass a Tevinter Magister bent on stupidity again,” I muttered to Dorian, knee deep in water in a dungeon somewhere. Dorian laughed, as if I was joking. My arm ached and I felt so far off balance that I was ready to throw up.    
After surmising we were still in Redcliffe Castle, only in some other time, we began to look for anyone else, and a way back to Alexius. We found Varric in a cell, and a poor mage boy from Redcliffe village in another. Then we found the Bull, who was furious at us showing up. We found out a year had passed and the world had gone to hell in the meantime. This.. was shit. Total, utter, shit.    
  


We fought our way up through the castle, finding Fiona encased in Lyrium, and Leliana being tortured in a cell.  The further in we got, the more Venatori we had to fight. The more we fought, the worse I felt. Just before we unlocked the throne room I had to take a minute. I went back to one of the empty rooms and did my best to quell the fear that was taking over. 

“What are you doing?” Bull asked me rudely from the door.

“Trying not to take the castle with me, go away,” I muttered, shaking my hands and pacing. I ran into his chest and his huge hands came up to my shoulders to stop me. 

“You remind me of a halla I saw once in Orlais. She was the most gorgeous golden color. But she was skittish and terrified, and she never stopped moving.”

I stared up at him. “Let go,” I whispered. He shook his head. “If you and Dorian succeed and go back, I won't remember any of this. Or the year of worry I had down in that cell as they forced me to eat that fucking lyrium. I'm dying anyways.” 

I shivered. “Why worry about me? I'm nothing,” I said, turning my face away.

He shook me. Just once. I looked up at him in shock, trying to push him away. He gave me a dark smile. I growled and pushed with magic, shocking him into releasing me.

“You don't get to act like there's suddenly something here! Go back to the others. I'll be there in a minute,” I said through gritted teeth. I turned away only to be yanked back, against his chest.

“I've waited a year to do this,” he said quietly. Then his mouth was on mine and everything I had thought… Was gone. 

Need and something far darker exploded between us, his hand splayed on my back, pressing me close. This was all new to me. Feeling something other than fear. This was glorious, my hand gripping his shoulder harness strap, him lifting me off of my toes. He kissed like he fought, hard and dirty. Teeth and tongue sending me reeling. 

I wasn't a virgin by any means, and had felt sexual *things* before, but this? This sudden flare of desperation that tasted like freedom? I'd never wanted anything more. He pulled away, pressing his forehead to mine. 

“Remind me of this, tell me. Make this happen,” he said, his words holding far more weight than they should have. 

I nodded, and he lowered me to the ground. 

“Don't die. I didn't waste away for a year for you to die before we get to.. Find whatever this is,” he said menacingly before leaving the room. I put my hand over my stomach, trying to quell whatever he had awoken there. I followed him back out and I let Dorian unlock the final door.    
We confronted Alexius, and in the process Leliana killed his son. An ugly fight ensued, after which Dorian and I took the amulet to try and open the portal to go home. Things got dicey.. And in an effort to aid our departure, Varric and Bull went with Leliana to try and slow down the incoming demons.    
When Bull fell to a horror, I nearly left Dorian to go to his side.    
That there? One of the scariest and eye opening moments. 

 

**2 Days Later -**

 

We got back to Haven, with a much larger army of mages, an irritated commander or two, and me thinking a little too hard about what had happened in that future. Beyond the assassination of the Empress of Orlais, and an impending demon army that would march across Thedas, there was the situation with Bull. I had studiously avoided him since then. Logically I knew that  _ this _ Bull would not remember what had happened, because  _ this  _ Bull wasn’t there with me. Thankfully.    
But that didn’t convince my hormones. Or my heart.

“You can’t avoid me forever,” I heard behind me as I sat on the dock overlooking the frozen lake. I stilled, pulling my cloak closer to me. I said nothing.    
“Tell me what we talked about, in this future,” he said, sitting next to me.    
“You told me not to let you eat red lyrium, it’s terrible for the skin,” I said, trying for flippant. He chuckled, the sound dry and nowhere near sincere.    
“Are you going to keep making jokes? Dorian told me you and I went off to talk and you came back looking completely shocked,” he said, staring out at the lake. I sighed.    
“I’m not ready to talk about that yet. If ever. I’m.. I’m sorry.”   
He fell silent and just sat there. 

I wanted to wait him out. I was good at waiting. But I knew things and these things were killing me. I went to get up and he spoke.    
“You will tell me,” he said quietly. I snorted. So very unladylike and not a sound I could have made just a few short weeks ago.    
“I will. Eventually. You need to accept I am no longer chained, Hissrad. Stop pushing. Or I will push back,” I warned, and he outright laughed, letting me leave. I heard him mutter behind me, “But I might like you pushing back,” and I smothered a smile behind my scarf.    
  
**After giving the Mages some time to get used to their new normal, they finally approached the breach to close it for good. Bull, Solas and Cassandra followed Katari up the mountain back into the temple, with plenty of mages behind them for good measure. They managed, with a pooling of power and focus, to close the breach, with little more than a flash of light and a tremor that knocked everyone down. The celebratory mood on the way back down the mountain was telling and nearly infectious, though Katari excused herself from the revelry when they returned to Haven. Day rolled into night and still the people celebrated, and when the alarm went up there was a moment of sharp mass confusion before everyone made their way to their places.** **  
****The Red Templars were attacking, under the command of one Samson and the Elder One - Corypheus.** **  
** **There was fighting, so much blood and death. Eventually Katari was separated from her companions, alone with Corypheus and his blighted dragon. She made a final leap of faith and set off the last trebuchet, before jumping into a hole in the ground.**

  
  
  


I woke up in a tent, my entire body on fire. My arm felt like lightning was trying to eat my skin and my body hurt so badly. I groaned, trying to roll into my side. 

A hand stopped me and caught my wrist as my hand swung up in shock.

“Stop that. You'll hurt yourself.”

Bull. 

I stopped moving, and started shivering. I curled into a ball on the cot, burying my face in the threadbare pillow. 

“How am I not dead?” I whispered, my throat sore from the cold.    
“Your magic. That allowed them to find you too,” he answered, pulling the blanket over me. I sighed, shaking so hard I might just fall apart.    
“Can you get Dorian or Solas? I’m too cold and, shit, and I don’t want to.. to hurt anyone,” I stuttered. He shook his head. Then he took off his shoulder harness, scooped me off the bed like I was nothing more than a blanket pile, and laid down with me against his chest.    
I nearly cried from the warmth, pressing my face into his hot skin. His arms wrapped around me and the blanket, holding me close.    
“Why are you being nice to me?” I muttered.    
“I don’t know. Shut up and take it,” he growled. 

 

**They got to Skyhold a few days later, an ancient fortress deep in the mountains that Solas somehow knew about. It was perfect for their needs and was mostly habitable, with some work to make it more so. They made Katari the Inquisitor, and everything changed overnight. An enlightening conversation with Bull and some of the recruits had her deciding to tell the advisors about her past.** **  
** **And why it was important to know that it may catch up to her at some point.**

**Cullen surprised her the most, immediately offering assistance or support. Leliana asked for time to poke around, Josephine took it in stride. Cassandra was a bit miffed, but far more understanding than Katari had thought she would be. Her and Katari discussed it at length, for hours. They decided to send a missive to the Lavellan clan, hoping to forestall any issues with them.**

 

I sat on the roof of my room, looking out over the keep. That I had my own room was one marvel unto itself. That the room was big enough to house twenty sleeping people was another marvel. That I found myself sleeping on the floor by the fire more often than not, was not even the last of the marvels.    
No, the biggest marvel for me was that my initial fear of The Iron Bull was dissipating and I wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing. I had begun dreaming about him, in various states of undress. And I was beginning to wonder if those were just dreams or something far deeper into the fade. I looked down at the tavern and nearly stopped breathing when I saw him standing on the battlements behind it. Staring up at me. I raised my hand, and swallowed hard as he gave me a mocking salute. 

I was in serious trouble.    
The Iron Bull would be able to make or break my presence here. And I was beginning to not care about that part at all. 

 

****


	2. Vinek Kathas, Katari

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katari and Bull dance around each other some more, until news arrives of the Qunari wanting an alliance. Things go south, and then other things happen.

**Bull -**

He had gotten another missive from the Ben Hassrath, and he wasn’t pleased with what he had read. The re-educators had opted to not execute the Arvaraad who had been in control of Katari. No, they had mind-wiped him, and given him a new mission. Hunt the Katari down and assassinate her. 

They knew where she was. And this wasn’t going to end well.    
  
**Katari -** **  
** **  
** I was sitting in the main hall, by myself and brooding. Solas was teaching me how to harness the rift magic, in a far more concise manner than the woman that the Advisors had found for me. I had been arguing with myself all day, about whether or not to talk to Bull. About the future. It seemed wrong to keep it to myself. But it also seemed selfish to push something onto him that he probably didn’t want in this real time.    
I took a last drink of the fruity liquor I had pilfered from the wine cellar, before getting up and going back upstairs. I got undressed and put on one of the long silky robes that Josephine had provided for me. It reminded me of what I would wear back in Par Vollen, when I had been alone with…. Well alone. He had appreciated the feel of the fabric, the way it contrasted with my very pale skin.    
I had appreciated it wasn’t made of shackles or chains. 

I crawled onto my bed, laid on my back, staring up at the ceiling. I had plans for that ceiling. Eventually. If I lived through whatever it was we were doing.    
“Isn’t it a little early for bed?” a voice mused from the stairs. I just sighed.   
“I was not going to bed. Why are you here?” I asked Bull, not really expecting an answer. 

“We need to talk. Can you ward the room?” 

I pushed up on my elbows, my hair falling over my face. “Why?” I asked, eying him. He squinted at me, a one eyed squint that said far more than his silence. I waved a hand and sound warded the room. He walked to my bed and dropped a paper next to me. I grabbed it and sat up, immediately recognizing the Qunlat on the page. My hand was shaking by the time I finished reading.    
“You need to tell the Advisors. They deserve to know what is under their roof.”    
And my blood ran cold. I guess I would *not* be telling him.    
“I am not a what,” I whispered. He stood there, silent.    
“Say it,” I said, my hoarse voice louder.    
“No.”   
“Get out. I will talk to the advisors. Don’t ever come up here unbidden again. If you can’t even respect me as a person, then I want  _ nothing _ from you.”   
He had the audacity to growl at me. I crawled from the bed and walked towards him. “I have been treated as NOTHING my entire life, Hissrad. I have been discarded and abused. I had my face sewn shut just because I had MAGIC I never asked for. Am I really NOTHING to you too?!” I hissed, the flame in my fireplace suddenly blazing and high. “Do you know what it is like?” I asked, suddenly quiet.    
He still didn’t speak, his hands in solid fists by his side.    
“I would rather have died, than have been raised in a society that viewed me as less than nothing because I was an aberration to nature. I would still rather be dead, but I can’t bring myself to end my own life.” I turned and looked at the fire, now banked and calm. “Do you know why I can’t leave?” I whispered.    
“Why?” he asked, his voice strangled.    
“Because of  _ you _ ,” I said.    
Stunned silence. 

“I wasn’t going to tell you. Because you make me beyond angry. You talk to me like I matter then you call me ‘what’ and I have no idea what you want from me. I can’t break any more than I already have, but here I am.”   
I felt a tear on my face, and furiously swiped at it.    
“I hate that you see me as that. And I hate that I had to meet you like this. In a place where I finally felt safe. I need you to leave. I need to get dressed and see the Advisors. And plan to leave.”   
“You can’t just leave.” A note of panic in his gruff voice.   
“I can do whatever I want. Because I am not a person. I’m a what,” I answered, quiet and dignified. I turned to walk to my closet, his hand stopping me. It closed over my arm and I had to fight the urge to burn it like I had before. I didn’t look back.    
“I don’t know what to do,” he whispered. I shook my head.    
“I don’t care.” I pulled my arm away and walked to my closet, closing the door and sliding to the floor, crying silently.    
  
A half hour later, I walked into the war room alone. I had sent a sentry for the Advisors, and for Bull.    
Cullen walked in first, giving me a wary smile. “I just talked to Bull. It seems that the Qunari want to discuss an alliance. This could work in our favor,” he said, rubbing his hands together. I was shocked.    
“What?” I asked.

“Aye, he said he told you. That you were interested in this alliance, and that he would set up a meeting.”   
I could feel fear snaking down my to my stomach. Then  _ he _ walked in, nonchalant.    
“Cullen, could you excuse us for a moment?” I asked. 

“Oh. Of course,” and he exited quickly.    
“What is the meaning of this?!” I asked, my hands gripping the window sill.    
“Don’t tell them yet,” he said quietly.    
“You can’t have it every which way, Hissrad,” I said, trying to swallow my anger. “I can’t be nothing and also worth asking things of,” I said, every syllable succinct. 

“You aren’t nothing.” His voice was rough.    
“I’ve never been more. We will go see your contact, and do whatever this is. When we’re done, I’m telling them. And I am leaving.”   
“Fine,” he growled.    
“Fine,” I said, turning and leaving him there.    
  


**2 Days Later -**

 

We stood at the makeshift campsite of Bull’s contact, Gatt. I was wearing full leather armor that resembled nothing of the antaam saar I had been wearing, an opaque mask over the lower half of my face. Bull refused to call me anything but Inquisitor, was insisting everyone else do the same. “For her safety,” he had repeated at least a hundred times. The Chargers were at the point of rolling their eyes every two seconds. 

I played along, though the conversation between the two Ben Hassrath agents one I would likely never forget. Talking about Seheron like it was some weirdly traumatic walk in the park, then discussing the ship we were to be protecting. Bull sent his people off in one direction, and accompanied me, Solas and Varric another. We fought Venatori all over the place, and once the leader was down, Gatt lit the signal fire and we watched the Dreadnaught approach the Venatori ships.    
It was a sight, seeing one this far away in action. I had been on one before, years ago. They were loud and not even remotely graceful as far as ships go. But they were deadly and effective, even if they were excruciatingly slow.    
As we stood there, I spotted a group of Venatori mages heading towards the Chargers vantage point.    
Gatt demanded they hold their position.    
I demanded Bull save their lives.    
“You’ll be declaring yourself Tal-Vashoth!”   
I growled at the man, my hand lighting on fire.    
“Call the retreat!” I hissed at Bull, watching the fight inside him.    
The very fight for his soul. 

His hand lifted the horn and he blew.    
And in that moment, the bonds that held him chained to the very thing that broke me, fell away. 

Gatt left in a fit of anger as the Venatori turned their focus on the Qunari ship. As the ship took on fire, it exploded in a massive plume of white fire before the remnants sunk below the choppy ocean. 

I turned and left Bull standing there with Solas and Varric. 

 

**The Next Day - Back At Skyhold -**

 

I watched Bull greet Krem as the Chargers finally got back to the keep. They looked exhausted but happy to be alive.    
Bull had barely spoken to me since he and the others had returned, an hour or so after I had. I could feel him mourning, and it was killing me. He was beyond torn, between a sense of duty to his people, and his sense of  _ home  _ and family with the Chargers. I had never had such a problem, it was me or them. Kill or be killed.    
Such was the life.. Of a thing.    
I walked back along the ramparts, and into the keep. Finally in my room, I magically warded the doors and stripped naked. I traced trembling fingers over the scars criss crossing my thighs and buttocks. I knew what it felt like to be betrayed by home. By the people who saved me.    
I crawled into my bed, grabbing one of my many pillows and burying my face in it. I don’t think I would ever forget the stark terror in his eyes as he watched death marching along the beach towards his people. Or the look of relief there when he saw Krem walking into Skyhold.    
No one had ever looked at me that way. Not once. And therein lay my own heartbreak. To be wanted. Trusted. Needed, even.    
Missed.    
I laid there for some time, crying into that pillow. Eventually I fell asleep. 

 

The next day, when I had gotten up and put on a robe of sorts, I was making my way out of my tower to go fetch some coffee. I opened the door to the walkway leading to the main hall, and Bull fell inside, startled awake by the door moving.    
I gripped the doorframe, waiting for him to right himself and get to his feet.   
“Go away,” I said.    
“No.”   
“I have zero interest in this discussion.”   
He reached out to grasp my arm and I backed away, hitting the bottom step and falling back . My robe fell open and he could see all the way up my thighs. The growl emanating from his throat was startling.    
“Who did that to you!?”

“Who do you think?!” I answered, pulling the robe over my legs. I stood up and walked back up the stairs since he had no intention of leaving. I was shaking. From his presence? Anger?    
“Why are you here?” I asked, tired of fighting.

“I don’t even know. I heard you crying last night,” he muttered, rubbing a hand over his face. I sighed.    
“Can’t you just.. Leave me be?” I nearly begged.    
“Fuck if I know. Nothing about you has been even remotely easy, Katari.”   
I shrugged. “Do you think it’s enjoyable being me? I wake up from nightmares more than I don’t. I now have an elite group of Ben Hassrath agents after me. Oh, and I am a  _ thing _ ,” my voice broke on the last word I spoke. 

“You’re not,” he said quietly. I snorted. “You said so yourself, ‘they need to know  what is under their roof’,” I mocked gently, my hand over my chest, rubbing at an ache I was never sure would go away.    
I walked over to him, my face tilted up. “You can’t have me both ways, The Iron Bull. I am either the Death Bringer, or I am Katari, Inquisitor. And sometimes, the lines will blur when I must be both. But, for now, I am just broken.”   
I placed my hand over his chest, his strong heartbeat reassuring. I whispered a few words, paralyzing him in place. I quickly walked to the closet, and pulled on one of the newer antaam saar’s. A black and red one, sans the scarf. I left Bull standing there, and quickly made my way to the hall. I sent a messenger after Cullen, Leliana and Cass, and ushered Josie into the war room to wait for everyone.    
When they all came in, in various states of half dressed, I warded the door, shielding it as well.    
“I have things I need to tell you,” I stated, baldly as I could. They waited.    
“So. I have not been completely honest about where I came from. I was with a group of elves at the conclave. Turns out they were even of the same clan my mother had been from when I was a babe. But not a few days before that, I was in the care of a group of Qunari.”   
Brittle silence. I paced, explaining. 

My mother’s death.    
Being taken to Par Vollen.    
My Sten and my magic.    
The subsequent years, bound in chains and sewn lips. 

Collars and whippings. 

Cassandra looked astonished, Cullen furious. Leliana had a million questions held at bay by the hand Josephine put on her arm.    
“My.. Arvaarad. The Qunari tasked with holding my collar’s control key, he was away from our camp. One of the others was irritated, and decided to take said irritation out on me. Sexually. I fought back, he beat me. And I broke. I managed to kill all six of them, in a matter of a few minutes. ‘Magic is a curse, one to be controlled by your betters. You, Death Bringer, are nothing,’ they told me,” I said quietly.    
“I had planned to tell you all eventually,” I whispered, my fingers at my lips, “but it’s come to my recent attention that the Arvaarad that was mine, he has been to the Ben Hassrath, and is on his way to kill me. It is now his entire goal for living, thanks to the Qunari re-educators,” I told them. Immediate outrage.    
At first I thought it was directed at me. Then.. I slowly realized, it was..  _ For _ me. Each pledging any support I needed, and protections and investigations as to where he was now, and Josie offering a sternly worded letter to send to Par Vollen on my behalf.    
“Don’t bother with the formality. I burned that bridge when I lied to Gatt about who I was. And now that they know I am alive, they will stop at nothing to kill me.”

I could feel my magic wearing off of Bull, and knew he would be here soon enough once he realized what I had done.

“Why can’t they just declare you Tal-Vashoth?” Cullen asked.    
“Because I am too powerful a weapon to let loose on the world,” I whispered.    
“How powerful?” Leliana asked.   
“When I was ten summers old I destroyed an entire building. They sent me to Seheron to.. Clean up messes. And my Arvaarad was one of the strongest. He had to be.”   
“Ah. I think I have heard of you,” she said, pursed lips on her lovely face. I sighed.    
“I will need to deal with him when he comes, but thank you. For not.. Just not.”   
“You’ve more than gone beyond what was asked of you,” Josie said gently. Cassandra nodded, “You are the Inquisitor, and no Qunari head hunter is going to say otherwise.”   
Cullen walked over, putting a hand on my shoulder. “You’ve more than earned our trust, Inquisitor. And our respect. Thank you for trusting us as well,” he said, jumping when massive fists hit the door.    
I sighed, releasing the ward on the door. It flew open and Bull stood there in the doorway.    
“What did you do?!” he asked me, menace and something surprising under it. 

Worry. 

“I told them everything. About me. Now I'm going to go get coffee and hide in a corner. Bull, if you follow me, me paralyzing you will be the least of your worries.” 

I turned and left them all standing there stunned.

 

A few hours later, I was up on one of the empty ramparts, the one outside Leliana’s rookery. I was sitting on a pillow I had stolen from Dorian in the library, my hair loose around me and my eyes closed. I could feel Bull as he moved about the keep, awash in feeling worried, and more complicated things I couldn't even bring myself to examine. 

I let my mind drift, trying to center myself after all the emotional turmoil of the morning. I felt so.. Scattered. Which was very unwelcome in the wake of my training.

Discipline was necessary. Emotions the enemy. And all I seemed to do right now was feel. I felt  _ everything _ . I felt fear. And need. And brittle. And more fucking need. I heaved a sigh. 

Had he not kissed me in that ridiculous future, this wouldn't be an issue. But now it was there. The seed of ‘what if’ and I had lived a lifetime of none, now had nothing but. And I wanted that. Not that I knew what to do with the emotional half of things. I could give pleasure. And knew how to take it. But the want and give and take of the emotional pieces were things I had no experience with. 

But I wanted them.

I wanted them with  _ him _ . 

But I was also terrified of him. He was now as untethered as I, but I had no idea how he would handle it.

“Why are you all the way up here?” a voice asked, breaking my well-earned silence. 

“Because I need somewhere  _ quiet _ to center myself. My magic isn't like yours.”

Dorian sat next to me, sighing in his dramatic way. “I need to confess something.”

“Why?”

“Blunt. I like it. When I first met you, I knew where you were from. The way you speak, the marks on your skin. The look in your eyes and the way you watch the Bull.”

I stilled.

“And?” I whispered.

“I was afraid of you. And for you. You're a smart woman. And you're still inherently kind. You protect and you listen. You're always learning. And your magic was frightening, even to an unfettered mage such as myself.”

“You see much for one who lives life with an air of permanent nonchalance.”

He laughed softly, stroking his mustache. “Tis all an act. But I suspect you know that.”

I nodded, looking down at my hands.

“You already know my life has not been all sunshine and chocolates. But it hasn't been anywhere near where yours has been. And I'm sorry if I made it any worse.”

I took a breath. “You haven't. You aren't one of them. You.. You're smart and cunning but you don't have that visceral bloodlust that the Venatori all seem to ooze. You may be from Tevinter, but you aren't the atypical ‘good mage’ on one side the the coin while hiding the blood mage on the other.”

“You are a bit more discerning than some give you credit for.”

“When one lives the majority of their life without the means to speak, they listen and learn.”

“I may have underestimated you, Katari Lavellan,” he said with a smile. 

“It's alright. Everyone does. It's because I'm small and unassuming.”

He laughed outright at that. 

“You may be small in stature, but you are nowhere near unassuming. Your hair and your eyes and the way you carry yourself.”

“Well.” I said it with a blush creeping up my chest. 

“You should talk to him,” he said quietly. 

“About?”

“Your kiss in the future.”

I closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the stone wall. “I don't think he feels that way now,” I said. 

“I think he does.”

“You're probably wrong,” I said. 

“You're just a stubborn fool.” I shot him a look. 

“No. I'm someone who has never been in a position like this. I don't know what to do, Dorian!”

“Ah. That. Alright. We can figure this out,” he said, running his hands together. 

I laughed. “Just leave it be. He doesn't want me. And it's no wonder. I'm prickly and stubborn and skittish and angry.”

“You forget hauntingly gorgeous, and brilliant, selfless and kind.”

I snorted. He snorted. Then we laughed. 

Had I just made myself an actual friend?

We talked for awhile more, easier conversation.

When I went inside to find food, Varric was sitting at one of the tables. He gestured for me to join him, and proceeded to try and teach me how to play Wicked Grace.

After an hour of frustration, I heard a tsking sound behind me and I tensed.

“He's going to teach you how to cheat,” Bull said, sitting next to me. Immediately the room felt smaller.

“I am not,” Varric declared, smothering a smile. I heaved a sigh. “I can't learn by cheating,” I said, teasing Varric. He laughed outright. 

“He tries to cheat every time he plays with me, just to see if I can catch him with only one eye,” Bull grumbled. I smothered my own laugh.

This was a new side of him. 

Then they proceeded to try and teach me, both of them giving me opposing tips and in essence confusing me all the more. By the time I called it quits, I had a headache from trying to keep it all straight. Or was it flush? I excused myself and made my way back up to the empty rampart. 

I sat down against the wall and sighed. Then the door opened and my little rampart felt very tiny. 

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I want to.”

I waited while he sat next to me, his thigh against mine. My heart slowed in my chest.

“Are you going to stop running from me?” he asked quietly. 

“I have no idea. Are you going to embrace your new status and stop making me feel threatened?”

He growled. “I'm not..” I held up my hand, effectively silencing him. 

“You are. A title doesn't make you a mongrel. You are still The Iron Bull. Whether under the Qun or not. Tal-Vashoth or not. Hissrad died back at the re-educators. You've been building yourself a family and you didn't even know it. How could I have ordered you to kill them when it's obvious that they are  _ yours _ ?” I whispered. He didn't speak. 

“You made yourself a home and you didn't do it according to the Qun. You did it according to The Iron Fucking Bull.”

He looked at me and I have a weak shrug. “I see more. I've been spending my entire life watching. And you've got a family. A loyal one that loves you as much as you can't admit that you do them. You're not a bad man, Bull. Just a little lost.”

I stood up and moved to leave him there, far more afraid of my own feelings at this point than his. His hand shot up and grabbed my wrist. He held me still as he got to his feet, towering over me. I looked up at him, and he just stared down at me.

“You are all tiny. And strong. And scary at times. But you're kind. And soft. And you give when you have nothing left to give. You're not a bad person either, Katari.”

I smothered the snort. He raised his hand, brushing his big thumb over my lips. I nearly stopped breathing. 

“Bull?” I whispered. 

“Hmm?” his eye on said lips. 

“You've kissed me before,” I whispered. 

“What?” he looked confused. “I'm pretty sure I would remember kissing you.”

“Ah. Yes. It was.. In the future.”

He looked at me, in my eyes. “And how did that go?” he asked, his voice rough. 

“Something like this,” I said, hooking my hand in his harness strap, dragging his face down to mine. His hand cupped my head, fingers in my hair, his lips hot on mine. An explosion of heat in my belly took me by surprise, the arm snaking around me to drag me against his body didn't. This was a kiss that spoke volumes. Tongues and heat, desperation and need. My arm looped around his neck, needing the anchor to keep me grounded. 

When he finally pulled away, he kept me pinned to his chest. “So,” he said, his voice rough. I nodded, staying quiet. 

“You’re a surprise,” he said, tightening his arm. I sighed. “I'm a lot of things.”

He gently set me down, holding onto me. “I'm going to go to my room. You can follow or not. I'm not going to chase you, Bull. And I make no promises. Because I have no idea what I'm doing.” I left him standing there looking stunned. When I walked into my tower a few minutes later, I went straight to the liquor cart, pouring myself a glass of super fruity brandy. I tossed it back, coughing as it went down. 

I began to pace across my room, worrying that he wouldn’t come.    
And that he would.    
What am I .. feeling? Anticipation and excitement and dread and.. Need. Stark need. I had been intimate with Arvaarad, exceedingly intimate. In many ways, but it was usually almost cold. Detached. And here, I was feeling anything but. I was hot. And I wanted. Oh, I really wanted. I wanted his hands. And his mouth. I wanted him to smother me in feelings. I was desperate to feel.    
A throat clearing from behind me had me stop in my tracks.    
“You should really lock your door,” he said, making me smile.    
“Maybe I will.”   
“I already did. If that’s alright.”   
I nodded, still not facing him. I felt him walk silently across the room. His hands on my bare shoulders had me tensing. 

He kissed the top of my head. “Are you afraid?” he asked quietly. I shook my head, turning to face him.    
“No. This isn’t my first time.”

He raised his eyebrow. I took a shaky breath. “It is the first time I am walking into it with my eyes open. And my arms. And everything else. Bull?” I whispered.    
“Katari?”    
“Take me,” I whispered. His eye narrowed and he hooked a finger under my chin.    
“As you wish,” he said, tilting my face up and gently kissing me. Then his hand fell to the ropes at my back, tugging the lead rope that held my shirt together. It loosened and he tucked a finger in the front, pulling it free. As it slithered to the floor, he gave a low whistle. I reached up and unbuckled his harness, pushing it off his shoulder and onto the floor. I traced my fingers over one of the deeper scars on his chest, watching the muscle beneath it twitch under my touch. 

“Not so unaffected are we?” I mused aloud. He chuckled.    
“Haven’t ever been unaffected by you,” he admitted. I looked up, surprised.    
“You have your magical red hair. And your flashing blue eyes. And your innate grace. You make all those ragged pieces of me feel smooth. And I will never understand it,” he murmured. He took each of my hands in his, raising my arms above my head, walking me back towards the wall.    
“Is this what you really want?” he asked me. I lifted my chin, “More than you can imagine.”   
“Oh, I have a very vivid imagination,” he confessed. I laughed softly.    
Then his mouth was on mine, and polite conversation ceased. My mouth opened under his, beckoning his tongue, kissing me thoroughly. I melted against the wall, every inch of my body acutely aware of how close his body was to mine. So very close.. But not quite against mine. He eventually pulled his lips away, taking a deep breath.    
“Bull,” I said quietly. He looked at me. “Would you touch me already?” I begged. He gave me a grin, before dropping my arms and scooping me up in one fluid motion. He carried me to my bed, gently laying me in the center. He spread his hands over my sides,  fingers hot and rough. He slid them up my sides, over my ribs, moving to cup a breast in each. I closed my eyes as he slowly caressed me, fingers and pressure, before adding his lips to the fray. I trembled under him, heat and shivers spreading through me as he relentlessly just took his time. 

Minutes? Hours later? He finally pulled the rope at my waist, loosening my pants. He stood at the foot of the bed. Pulling my boots, then my pants from my legs. His fingers grazed the scars on my thighs, shaking. I moved to kneel on the bed in front of him. 

“They don't hurt,” I said quietly as I ran my fingers over his own chest. “They are just ugly. And I'd rather have ugly scars and be free.” 

He nodded slowly, and allowed me to unfasten his pants, then he took them off with his own boots. 

He stood there naked for a long minute. His cock was impressive, bigger even than.. Than the last I had. His breath was shallow, his arousal nearly pointing up. I reached out, my thumb brushing over the tip, gathering the drop beaded there. He growled as I lifted my hand to my lips. I held out my other hand, clearly beckoning. He wrapped his bigger hand around mine, and I tugged him onto the bed. He laid me back down, his body settling over mine. 

I cradled his face with my hands, he pressed his forehead to mine. Then I took his lips and the moment went from poignant to volatile. His hands to moved over me, demanding my arousal as much as they fed it. When his fingers finally moved between my legs, spreading me and sliding over me, I nearly died. 

My breath caught when he began to rub my clit, his hand holding me down as I began to writhe under his attentions. When I reached for him again, he caught my hands and drew them above my head.

“Not yet. This is for you. I'll get mine. I always do. Take what I'm giving you,” he said, a shine to his eye that was anything but reassuring. My eyes closed as he slid a finger inside me. I moaned when he added a second, his thumb still on my clit, and my heart racing in my chest. 

It didn't take long, with those fingers inside me, for me to approach my release. 

“Come for me, little firebird,” he crooned at me, his voice at my ear sending me over. I cried out, my hips bucking under his hand. Insanely, he kept his hand moving and after an admonishment to keep my hands where they were, he moved down my body. One hand lifted my thigh over his massive horn, the other lifting me just enough to bring his mouth to my core. 

I curled my fists around the blanket under my head, pressing my face to my upper arm as he slid a finger inside me again, his lips and tongue impossibly hot on my clit. His hand held my body still as he feasted, tongue and teeth and how had it never occured to me it could be this way? This explosion of need, and the astonishing arousal? His fingers curled inside me, and the pressure was no longer just building, it was taking over me.    
My back arched on the bed, and my voice was hoarse as he claimed another orgasm with his mouth, whispered words of encouragement. He laid me back on the bed, kneeling between my legs and watching me lay there twitching and shivering.    
“Now? It’s my turn,” he said with a growl. I nodded and he climbed from the bed to kneel at the end. Then he pulled my butt to the edge of the mattress, his hands under my knees and his cock standing between my legs.    
“I’ve thought about this a thousand times,” he murmured, sweat glistening on his chest. I could  _ feel _ how much he wanted this. Desired it. It had nagged at him as much as it had me.    
I raised my hands above my head again and waited. This was now on his terms. He lowered his head for a moment, before shifting his hips and slowly sliding the head of his cock inside me. I trembled on the bed, trying not to move as he ever so slowly thrust his hips, filling me utterly and completely. My hands fisted in the blanket again, and my heart sped up in my chest as he nearly withdrew, then thrust again. His cock was wider than I was used to, and a bit longer, and from the feel of things, he was beyond perfect. He began to move faster, a steady rhythm that shook me on the bed with each thrust. That inevitable pressure, the urge to take all of the pleasure was nearly overwhelming. His hands gripping my thighs tightened as he thrust harder, and before long I was arching on the bed as he shook another orgasm from me. The press of his hips against my butt, the rough growl he made as he spilled, the throbbing and pulsing deep inside me told me as much as the fingers bruising my thighs, and the twitching of his stomach. He finally released my legs, still buried in me as he leaned down over me and kissed me softly.

“You're a surprise,” he said again, before pulling away from me. I murmured something about cloths to clean things up with and he complied silently. When he was done, he sat on the end of my bed and heaved a sigh. 

I moved to sit next to him, my head against his arm. “What now?” I asked.

“I don't know. What do you want?”

I placed my much smaller hand over his, spread over his thigh. 

“I want everything. Though I really need nothing.”   
He snorted. “Enigmatic answers do not help,” he muttered. I laughed softly.    
“Bull, I was raised to expect nothing but pain and chains.” I moved to face him, kneeling next to him, heedless of either of our states of undress. “A few weeks ago, I was sure I would be dead by now. Either by the Qun’s hands, or yours, or the universe setting things right. I have done very evil things at the bidding of others. In an attempt to make the pain a little less, because if I fought they would punish me. Hence my legs, and other scars.”

He growled, his hand curling into a fist. I wrapped my fingers over it, and with both hands drew it to my mouth.    
“Don’t do that. The pain was nothing compared to the chains. There were months where I wouldn’t see sunlight. I wasn’t allowed to speak for over two years. And when I was, it was under heavy magics that bound my own power. I lived. Through all of it.” I allowed him to pull me onto his lap, straddling his legs. I put my arms on his shoulders, my eyes studying his face. I pressed against his chest, his arms around my back.    
“This world can be a truly ugly place, but sometimes, one is presented with a moment of pure beauty. Of something that clarifies and sharpens the jagged parts of you. And this?” I pressed closer, my face a breath from his own pensive one. “This is spectacular. You make me dream. And want things. Things that before a couple weeks ago, I had never even imagined having.”

He sighed, his fingers tangling in my hair, tugging my head back a bit. His lips traced over my throat. “And here you are surprising me again. You, Katari, are worth everything,” he murmured, before settling his lips on mine. He touched me, caressing and feeding the desire that was always there under the surface. He took me again twice more before the sun rose, and left me sleeping on the bed the next morning with orders to not disturb me.    
  


**A couple days later, Katari, Bull, Varric and Dorian made their way to Crestwood to meet up with Aerys Hawke and her Warden friend Stroud. The place was dismal, rainy and full of demons and zombies. It fascinated Katari as much as it irritated Bull. He hates demons, and she has never seen so much rain. They all caught her from time to time just standing there, her cloak open and her hands out catching the rain.**

**Varric tried to explain it to Bull, the whole “simple pleasures” thing. But Bull was still learning about this new uninhibited** **Katari, and trying to understand her was a far more trying task than he originally thought. They finally reached the cave and had their meeting, before heading back to the fort that they had commandeered from a bandit group.**

 

Bull found me sitting on a tower roof, how he got here was beyond me. It took me work to get up here, and he was easily almost 3 of me. “Why are you up here?” he asked gruffly, sitting on the edge of the roof with me. 

“Because I can see most of Crestwood up here.” I pointed in the direction of the town, “It's beautiful up here.” 

“If I get struck by lightning I'm going to be irritated.”

I looked at him. “You can leave,” I said. 

He sighed. 

“Why are you up here?” he asked me again. I thought a moment.   
“Because I feel free up here. No inquisition. No Qun. No imminent death,” I teased. 

“Except lightning,” he pointed out. I laughed. Then I stood and stretched, raising my face to the rain that was still falling. 

“Bull, close your eye,” I said, looking down at him. He sighed and listened. I knelt behind him, my hands on his shoulders. I brought my face close to his pointed ear. 

“Do you ever just stop and feel?” I asked him softly. “What?” he asked. 

“You are always thinking. And studying everyone and thing around you. Your mind never stops. I can see it even now, trying to figure out what this game is that I play. But I'm not playing a game. I want you to stop thinking about what I may or may not be doing.” I pulled away enough to get undressed, reveling in the fall of the rain hitting my bare skin. It wasn't even really cold rain, and it felt heady to be here. 

With him. “Scoot back against the wall,” I ordered. He complied, his eye still shut. I moved to straddle his lap. His eyelid twitched. 

“What are you doing?” he asked. I grasped his wrists and brought his hands up to my face. 

“Shush and feel,” I said quietly. He kept his hands at my face, one rubbing a thumb over my lips, the other caressing my neck. 

I traced my fingers over the scars on his chest, each one whispering a story. A part of what Bull was. His one hand fell to my shoulder and his eye shot open. 

“Fuck,” he ground out, seeing me naked. I gave him a grin and leaned up to kiss him. His mouth met mine halfway, the heat rolling off of him impressive. My hands made quick work of his harness, shoving it off his shoulder without breaking the kiss. I pressed close, slick chest against chest. My hair was plastered to my head, and I felt nearly giddy there in his arms. 

He pulled his mouth away, staring down at me. “Brave little firebird, aren't you?” he mused. I ran my hands down his chest and untied his pants. He let me pull them open, freeing his cock from its confines. I chewed my lip as I stroked him, aided by the rain, my hand gliding over him. He let me stroke him a few times more before he gently stopped my hand. 

“You want to play on the roof?” he practically purred at me. I nodded and he lifted me from his lap. He moved to kneel, his back against the rampart wall. He pulled me towards him before turning me to face away. He pulled my back against his chest and slid me down to kneel in front of him between his legs.

“You continue to surprise me,” he murmured in my ear, his teeth scraping against the tip. I shivered and he wrapped his arm around my waist. He shifted his hips, rubbing his cock along my folds. I moaned, my head falling back against his shoulder. His other hand came up, gently wrapping around my neck. 

“I want to see your eyes as I enter you,” he said quietly. I looked up at him. He watched me as he moved again, sliding his cock inside me. I could barely keep my eyes open as he filled me. “Ah shit, you're so tight,” he muttered. “Your eyes, you go all wild when I do that. Slowly filling you, stretching you tight,” he told me. He retreated, then thrust. I gripped his arm holding my neck, trembling as he continued to thrust. The rain fell on us, a soft wet fall making me feel as alive as what Bull was doing inside me. 

I was lost then.

The sound of the rain.

His hand on my neck.

His pelvis hitting my butt again and again.

The rough cadence of his breathing.

The full and well loved feel of him inside me. 

I felt my power gathering as I approached bliss, the tendrils of magic eking into the air. The rain around us stopped mid air, the feel of the wind ceasing. Like the time around us stopped if only for a few minutes. 

Bull pressed close. “That.. Is incredible,” he said quietly, the hand around my waist moving to touch a water droplet suspended in the air. 

I moaned when he moved again, his hand falling between my legs to drive me over the brink. My own hand gripped his wrist, my body claiming the orgasm he so willingly fed it. I smothered the cry I wanted to let loose, spasms wracking my frame, pulling the orgasm from Bull. He growled, digging his hips into my butt as he spilled. And still he moved, making me twitch and gasp. He chuckled, kissing my shoulder and taking his hand from my neck. 

Suddenly the rain began to fall again and we were instantly soaked. Long minutes later, he helped me redress, and soon gave up on the antaam saar’s ropes. He went inside and stole a blanket, bringing it back and wrapping it around me. He brushed the wet hair from my face, his eye staring down at me. 

“Sex on the parapets. What will it be next, little firebird?” he asked me. I gave a shrug. 

“I have no idea. But won't it be fun to figure it out?” I asked back, grinning up through the rain. He squinted. “I'm in a lot of trouble with you, aren't I?” he mused. I reached out and tugged his harness, bringing his face closer. 

“Would you want me any other way, docile and sweet? Staid and boring?” I asked quietly. 

“Fuck. No. You're.. Pretty perfect as you are,” he answered, a hint of a smile on his face. I leaned up on my toes, kissing him quickly, before re-entering the keep. 

 

**Weeks passed, and so did events with the Inquisition, before they found themselves on the cusp of a ball. The Grand Masquerade in Halamshiral was the talk of Skyhold, and even though there had been no overt threats towards Katari’s life inside the keep, somewhere like the Winter Palace was not so safe.**

**Bull and Cullen made copious plans within plans to make sure Katari was safe and guarded at all times. And the ladies of the keep made sure to make her the talk of the party.**

 

I sat in the carriage they had insisted I ride in, my hands twisting the luxurious fabric of the dress I was wearing. We had managed to create one that resembled my antaam saar, a wrap of satin around my chest and neck, to wrap around me again to form the skirt. It was revealing and form fitting and quite possibly the least bit of protection I had ever worn. But the light in the Bull’s eye when he had seen me walking down the keep steps was beyond worth the embarrassment of wearing my first actual dress. 

The carriage rolled to a stop outside the palace walls, and when the door opened and I was greeted by a big gray hand, I barely suppressed laughter. Bull stood there, wearing the same bright red formal uniform that the rest of them were wearing. And it looked oddly menacing on him, in comparison to the dapper picture the others painted. I placed my hand in his and he helped me climb from the carriage. The dress slithered around my legs as I settled on the ground. 

The dress itself was a blue so dark it was nearly black. The ropes wrapping around me were a bright silky white. I had a dark blue lace face mask on, with a drape of beads and smaller ropes anchoring it to my hair. The lace was mostly to cover the still visible scars on my lips. I had shaved the side of my head again, and the rest was coiled in braids and beads. I presented an exotic picture, and hopefully a powerful one. I had jewels cascading from the tips of my ears to the lobes, chains and gems between them. It was.. Odd. To know I looked exceedingly feminine. I could feel how much Bull appreciated it. Which made it so much more… Well more. 

“There are already whispers about the Duke’s surprise guest,” Bull informed me. I just tilted my head and looked up at him.    
“Are you going to be alright in there?” I asked. He just gave me a nod and we walked through the gate. Josie greeted us, and led me to the Duke. We made silly small talk, and he took me inside. Bull and the others followed like the good entourage that they were. I had to work to not stare at the ostentatious building before us as we walked inside. Also had to work to not gawk at the.. Insanity that these people were wearing. How does a woman  _ move _ in those gigantic skirted dresses? Are they all even actually women? 

When I was taken before the Empress, I bowed and showed her the requisite amount of respect I had been ordered to show. Then I was taken off the ballroom floor and allowed to mingle. There were flurries of whispers, and tittered gaudy laughs. A million questions and not a few pointed looks at my ears. Scorn flowed around the room like air and I was hard pressed not to take offense.    
After the fourth conversation snub, I gave up on social niceties and concentrated on the reason why we were there. 

The Empress. 

However, as the evening wore on, and the body count rose drastically, I was less “Inquisitor” and more “The Death Bringer”.

And the further into the evening we went, the worse that little voice in my head screamed at me, about inclement danger. To  _ me.  _

I ignored it. Quashed it with the same vengeance I quashed the fear of the Venatori. 

When we had reached the point of no return, the Rift that the Duchess opened to kill me, I was literally fighting every instinct to bolt for the nearest exit. Not because of the Duchess or the Venatori. I felt Qunari magic in the palace.

I told Bull, as we rushed back through it to the ballroom. He took me aside for a moment, and tried to get me to explain.

But how does one explain the feeling of that ugly magic reaching for you across the distance? The way it slithered over your skin, as it found you and gloated? 

“They’ve got another Saarebas in the palace, Bull. One that’s strong. I don't know how the guards here are unaware but none of them know.”

“Qunari don't exactly blend in, Katari,” he said, obviously dubious.

“LOOK AT ME BULL!” I hissed. I tore off my mask, “Not all Qunari are big gray hulking horned people. Some are elves or dwarves or even Humans. You  _ know _ this. A Saarebas needs only a closet and no collar to do their magic. I would know.”

The shame I felt at those words was nearly overwhelming. The pity I saw in his eye made me sick to my stomach.

“I don't need your pity. I need your faith. Believe me.”

He stayed silent for a minute. Then his face hardened. “Think the Arvaarad is here?” he asked me quietly. I felt fear grip my chest. 

“I hope not. Or everyone here is in far greater danger than anyone knows.” I put my mask back on and headed out again.

 

We caught up with the Duchess in the ballroom, and I made quick work of her, exposing her lies and plans in front of the entire upper class. When the Empress had her dragged from the room, I followed her and the Duke and Briala out onto a balcony. I ripped into them, exposing every one of their own manipulations. And in the aftermath I made them all accountable to me. 

If I lived through this fiasco. 

 

I left them there in silence. On a balcony a little later, I accepted Morrigan into the Inquisition and left in the same carriage I arrived in. Bull rode inside with me, and we were surrounded by Inquisition soldiers. 

 

But those would not be enough. I felt the air change a moment before the ground rumbled below the carriage. The horses screamed in terror, before we ground to a shambling halt. Then… Silence. I looked around, and Bull was frozen in his seat. I waved my hand in front of his face, and nothing. No response. My heart raced. I opened the door, stepping from the carriage. 

The wind swirled the dress around my legs, though I didn't feel the cold. 

“Katari,” I heard from behind me. I turned and there he stood. 

The same but not?

Arvaarad. 

“I knew you would come.”

No Qunlat here. I was free.

His face was a mask of.. Nothing. 

“You cannot remain with the people. You are too dangerous, Death Bringer.”

I was proud of not flinching at that.

“I'm not the Katari that fled. I’ve walked through the fade. I've faced dragons. You, you have no hold on me.”

He stepped forward, as an uncollared Saarebas left the trees off the side of the road. I raised my marked arm, air swirling around me. I shot out my hand, lifting the Saarebas into the air and tossing him backwards. He hit a tree with a loud thud and slid to the ground, bleeding and unconscious.

I felt Arvaarad rushing towards me, enchanted greatsword in his hand. I stopped him with a thought, a twist of my hand. Power tore through me, making my hair float in the around me. 

He roared, suspended in the air. I snarled at him, “I am not a thing! I have dreams. And I love. I love fiercely and you will never ever take me back,” I told him. I whispered words to stop the slowing of time, and when everyone came to, Bull's roar from the carriage behind me, and the subsequent crashes as it was dismantled from the inside out made my heart beyond happy. 

I stood there, holding the Arvaarad in the air. Bull shouted orders to the rest of the soldiers to search the area for the rest of the Qunari squad. The men instantly obeyed. I could hear the crunch of his boots behind me.

“Hissrad,” the Arvaarad said with a sneer. 

Bull snorted. “The name is The Iron Bull.”

Arvaarad just stared at him menacingly. I dropped him to the ground, and he knelt there shaking. I walked towards him, my magic glowing around me. 

“Stand up,” I ordered. He climbed to his feet, obvious bitterness etched into his face. 

“Did you willingly submit to the re-educators?” I asked him quietly.

“No.” I was surprised at his answer. He spoke again, “I had asked for death, I am told. Asked for death for the part I played in losing the Katari.”

Bull growled behind me. Arvaarad just ignored him. 

“Do you remember me?” I asked him quietly. 

“No. I.. Have tried. But it brings pain.”

I felt a frisson of pity. 

“You.. You were a strong Arvaarad. You didn't fail me. I failed you. I failed me, even. Do you wish to live?” I asked. 

Wary doubt in his eyes. A muscle twitching under his eye. And fierce resolve inside his cavernous mind.

“It doesn't matter. If I fail again, my life is forfeit. Kill me,” he ordered.

“I no longer answer to you.” I turned and looked at Bull. “I want to take him back to Skyhold. Have Leliana talk to him.” Bull just grunted.

“You cannot. Just kill me. Or I will kill you,” he said. 

I shook my head. “Once, you were nearly a friend to me. You were with me more than you weren't. You were.. Different.”

“I was an aberration to the Qun. I failed and the Katari has contaminated whole hosts of people. Magic is,” his voice ground to a stop when I held up my hand, magically silencing him.

“Magic is a tool, just like you. The irony of them sending you after me is not lost on me.”

He just stood there. His horns glittered in the waning light, his eyes guarded. 

I sighed. “I don't want to kill you,” I informed him. I turned back to Bull, “Have the men go…” I said before a roar behind me had me turning. I didn't have any time to react, watching a dagger fly by my face to embed itself in Arvaarad’s chest. His momentum carried him into me, knocking us both to the ground. I shoved him off of me, and he laid there looking satisfied. I knelt next to him, pulling the dagger free, moving to heal him.. but his hand stopped me. 

“Let me die, Katari,” he pleaded. I looked in his eyes and there  _ he _ was. 

“But..”

“No. Let me die. It's an honorable death. And you'll be free for a while longer. Maybe forever, you're far more formidable than before.”

“You said you didn't remember,” I whispered, brushing his hair from his forehead. He shrugged a shoulder, making more blood ooze out of his chest. He closed his eyes for a moment. 

“You were more than Bas Saarebas to me,” he said, blood on his lips. I shook my head. He looked behind me. 

“Take care of her. She is tiny but wily. And she is strong. And kind. Beautiful and dangerous. Death Bringer. Katari,” he said looking back at me. 

“You're free,” he said, lifting a finger to my cheek. Then.. He just faded away. His eyes closed and his chest stopped moving and he was gone. 

I stared down at my hands, covered in his blood. A ragged cry was torn from my chest as the reality hit me. 

The only person in my entire life from before the Conclave, who had ever shown me even an ounce of kindness, was gone. Dead because of a code of honor that I hated to my very core. 

Bull scooped me off of the ground and carried me as I cried into his chest, carried me back to the carriage that was now without a roof. He barked more orders to the men, some of which left to find Cullen and the others. Then he sat and held me as I sobbed into his coat. Eventually I cried myself to sleep in his lap, and woke up hours later on an unfamiliar bed, curled up against Bull's side. 

I laid there, a flutter of panic taking my breath for a moment. 

“Did you love him?” Bull asked me, his voice startling in the near dark of wherever we were. 

“No. Not in the way you think. But.. He was kind to me. In his own way. We were intimate but I never wanted a life with him. I never wanted life at all until..” my voice broke. 

“Until?” he whispered. 

“Until you.”

His arm tightened around me. 

“I'm sorry,” he said. 

“I know. I am too.”

“He did it on purpose,” he said then, an odd note in his voice. 

“He did. He couldn't live with knowing what he knew. And taking his own life would have been dishonorable. Death at your hand was preferable. How did he make it out intact after he went to the re-educators?”

“Because he loved you. Or close to it. Only an extremely strong emotional attachment can prevent a full wipe.”

I felt a pang of sympathy. “He knew he could never have me that way.. not under the Qun. So he opted for death. That makes it so much worse,” I whispered. 

I sat up and looked down at Bull. “Thank you for freeing him.”

“Why?” he asked me, his face unreadable.

“Because now he's no longer conflicted.”

His hand reached up and smoothed my hair. “Are you sure you didn't love him?”

I nodded. Then I smothered a yawn. I got off of the bed and found a basin of water. I noted all my jewelry was on the little table in the room, and that I was wearing the dress shirt Bull had been wearing with his coat earlier. My dress was in a ruined heap on the floor. I scrubbed at my hands in the water, and when my hands were dry, I braided my hair before turning back to the bed. He was watching me. 

“Do you want me to get another room?” he asked. I shook my head. 

“I’d rather you stayed,” I answered with a weary smile. He sighed. I walked back to the bed and he pulled me up next to him. I curled onto my side, my back against him and my hand finding his. I folded my fingers into his and he squeezed my hand. 

“He was my friend, even if sometimes he was more. You? You've always been more. Don't forget that,” I whispered. 

And with that last thought I fell asleep. 


End file.
